every year, around this time,
it is a time for celebration in my world.
a celebration for the forthcoming
of a new year, a new harvest, new beginnings.
however, every year,
new also means put on your sneakers
and just run for your lives.
i do not choose for the world to be this way,
i do not want the days to go by like this.
as the rest of the world around me celebrates in joy.
the people around me suffer.
every year i apologize.
and i am not forgiven for what i've caused.
but it's out of my control
to bring them down so hard
when it should be the highlight of their lives.
every year,
around this time, i become a stone on a pathway.
i become small and blend in the crowd.
one motion and it will break the sequence.
i dont make sudden movments, noises, actions, thoughts.
i do not want anything to happen, so i stand still.
it's been a week.
and i hvnt apologized.
im sorry.
hopefully next yr will be a brand new beginning.